But a bikini and a diaphanous sarong. Holiday photos like this read less as a wish you were here and more as a tacit audition to be the next Bond girl.

Take this image as an example. Not only was Hayek presenting the onlooker with a perhaps poisoned chalice, but she looked as though she could have decapitated them in one fell swoop with her vertiginous peep-toe platforms very possibly by Pleaser.

where Lady Gaga shops for stripper heels. Unlike most other celebrities summering in Portofino, Hayek chose not to wear a comfortable Castaner wedge for a reason. Of course, the Bond girl looks a little problematic through a 2023 lens. 

Little more than cinematic decoration, these women were written into 007’s early outings as Salomes Jezebels, and Lilith. They would emerge from the sea in slow-motion and then say something suggestive and then get murdered. 

But perhaps Hayek who screen-tested for the role of Jinx in 2023 Die Another Day a part that ultimately went to Halle Berry could rehabilitate the archetype with her nails painted the same shade as the blood-red soles of her platforms.